I wouldn't say that they don't realize it. Sometimes they probably do think about it and feel bad. But in the heat of the moment, no they probably don't realize what they are doing. We are all capable of being emotionally abusive, in my opinion. Some more than others. But most all of us have lashed out at someone at some point and probably felt bad about it later. I know I have, on more than one occasion. But I never really realized it during the heat of the moment.

Sorry you're going through all this, though. Hope it gets better soon.