Quote:
Originally Posted by cubabe29
I am having a difficult time grasping my mom's behavior because of her narcissistic personality disorder. I understand that people who are abusers don't necessarily realize that they are emotionally abusing you, but I only believe that to a certain extent.
When she used to bully me and my brother and sister when we were younger by saying "do you want to play power"....she had to have known before saying it that it was to intimidate/instill fear in us. My mom might love me in whatever way she is capable of since clearly she doesnt love herself.....but i honestly feel content with disengaging any sort of loving emotions i had for her. I do not feel she is completely unaware of her narcisistic ways and yes a part of me feels sorry for her for what her father did to her. However, she has done the EXACT SAME emotionally abusive behaviors to me, but yet I am not that way nor will I ever be that way because I am breaking the cycle.
I don't want to hate my mom but I don't want to essentially waste my time deeply caring for someone, even though she is sick, who on some level is aware of her selfish, disrespectful and emotionally abusive ways.She's a sixth grade teacher,she would've been fired the first week instead of teaching at the same school for 15+ years if she was completely oblivious to her abusive behaviors.
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Yeah, I think Emotionally Dead said it very well. I think we are all capable of this and also they don't realize it in the moment perhaps but they might reflect on it later and feel bad about it. Unless they are true psychopaths, in which case they never realize it because they can't feel sympathy. But that is fairly rare.
Sometimes people just don't realize it period. Sometimes they realize it, either because they do care or because they are told about it by others...yet in the heat of the moment they are not self-aware. Awareness is not necessarily a black and white thing. I mean I imagine it is perhaps possible to be aware of the damage you are causing but also to feel that whatever other thing on your mind is way more important. Kind of like if your house caught on fire and you ended up pushing some people out of the way in order to escape. You realize at some level what you're doing but heck your house is on fire!
None of these are justifications really. Those of us in current or past abusive relationships did end up getting hurt. And some so very badly. Some, very very very badly. We made ourselves vulnerable, we tried our best to get and give love, we did everything possible to make these people happy or love us or at least not hate us, and yet we were not able to in a consistent way. Sometimes I wonder if the hurt will ever go away. When it comes on, it consumes me. It's not like a cold, it's like the worst kind of flu that just knocks you off your feet out of the blue. Those of us who were hurt in abusive relationships with our own family, have it even worse. Who can you trust now? Who will love you now? If your own family (parents in particular) did not love you, did not care about you, how the heck can you expect anybody else to do that? Your own flesh and blood called you names, mocked you, kicked you when you were down, put their hand right through your chest and twisted your heart, pulled it out and spat on it, stumped on it, poured boiling water on it, stabbed it...again and again and again and again...