They aren't likely unaware of their actions - they just don't see it as abusive. My mom thinks of the things she does as being strict, asserting her authority, expecting us to be grateful. Basically, she always thinks she is doing the right thing and that she was taking a tough-love approach. So while she's aware of everything she does - she doesn't acknowledge any of it as abusive or wrong. Whether or not she warps situations on purpose or if her brain just truly thinks that way? There's no way for me to know with that. I just know that she will change reality to suit her image.