Recently I've been feeling really fatigued and tired, often feeling intense headaches and becoming extremely sad when I cannot talk to a very close friend, or when everyone goes to sleep before me, or just for no reason. Reality, and homework, are crashing down on me, and there are many nights where I would just cry, wondering when it will end, when it should end. To avoid reality, I spend time online a lot, probably more than I should. But what I still always wonder about, from when they disappeared in middle school, was if my delusions were good or bad.

In early middle school and younger than that I was completely overtaken by the fantasy world and its delusions; once I believed I was a great feline sent down to lead my Clan once more, then I became a shifter, one of few to be able to save the world, and that morphed into me being a Grovyle and the reincarnated daughter of a Shiny Mew, born to save the world from Primal Dialga's wrath with my "sister," Charmeleon, who was my best friend at the time. My imagination is immense. Focus on anything enough, and I can easily meld it with my reality and create a new identity, create memories and powers I believed in, except for the bit of me that was controlling them.

But, I observed, one thing is the same with all these delusions- while I had them, I was happier. I believed I actually had a place living in this world. I believed I actually meant something, could actually be someone people could care for. And recently, with school ambushing me daily and nightly, I've begun to fade more into fantasy again. I'd occasionally have those flashes of sight of people, birds, and of course all the shadows. I'd feel animated again, in those times of watching. Happiness seems to only be created within me when I am engulfed in the imaginary.

And finally, after such a long ramble, I finally come to the point of this post; from their sound, are these delusions beneficial, with their happiness-giving and self-appreciation, or are they harmful, because they make me lose touch with reality sometimes? I'm almost into one again, this Chuunibyou, and I don't know whether I should wrench myself into the real world again or melt back into these delusions. I honestly don't know what's better for my mental health. Delusions, for me personally, seem to just be a coping mechanism for reality... but I don't know what I should do. I'm sorry for talking so much, forcing kind people to read this much, but I'm so confused and unsure. Please do give an answer if you might have an opinion or answer. Thank you, I appreciate it...

- Rin