Iz,

Very sorry to hear you are struggling so much.... and (I think) it is always more sucky when the darkness attacks you during this time of the year (when everyone else "seems" happy - but you are not feeling happy).

Here are a few positives for you to ponder on:
1) You have guts. You can not deny that it took a lot of guts to be honest with your parents about how you are feeling and your self harm stuff. I would have NEVER had the guts to do that.... (in fact - I still haven't told them).

2) You are a bright. Your intellectual humor shows me very clearly that you are above the norm

3) You are not "the sad looking girl" (IMO)..... Speaking as a guy (and NO, I am not hitting on you - I am waaaaaaaaaaay too old for that) - you are a very, very attractive person. And I would wager that when you do get laughing - that you have an awesome smile.

I hope you find that smile. I hope you get whatever help you need. I hope you have a great Christmas and I hope you get to live out the happy life that you deserve to enjoy!