Hey, sorry for posting again.
I just wanted to update you without opening a new thread. Today was supposed to be T day (the one i cancelled) and this morning I got triggered. I'm not allowed to cry at home so I went out at the usual time for my session, sat in a park near the practice and wondered if someone else had taken "my" hour and thought about all the things I would have said in session. I tought it would give me some comfort since I wasn't able to reach out to T even though I tried really hard.
So I got kind of close to the only safe place I have - I didn't feel the need to go too close though, nor tried to see her at all (the last thing I wanted was to be seen!). I just wanted to be around, same district, 2 subway stops away. Is it bad, am I nuts?
All this did me some good because I understood how important it is to listen to my needs rather than others' judgement, for next time - at least as far as I'm still so weak and needy - but I didn't expect to be so shattered.
Sorry but I really needed to say/write it somewhere.