**TRIGGER WARNING**

My therapists and crisis line workers always ask me if I can be "safe" when I see them. I always say yes, but days like today I really wonder if I truly know I can. The urges are so strong, and I've already cut today to try to get through it but it's still there.

I saw my T this morning, and I was triggered talking about my black and white thinking, and on the way home I kept thinking about how my therapist is probably just sick of me, and sick of hearing about the same thoughts every week. I know this is EXACTLY what he was talking about, but I can't change this thinking over night, and I just wish I could.

I'm sick of feeling like a failure every day, sick of coping, sick of the constant stress. I can't even call my crisis line because our phones are shut off.