You've watched the Matrix I'm hoping?

You were given the choice of a blue pill or a red pill. You picked one of them thinking that it would instantly change things. Instead you found out that it opened up a whole new can of worms.

Your expectations didn't match up with reality - that mental health doesn't have a cure. It's shocking and frustrating because it means that there's a lot of work to do after diagnosis. You can't erase who you are and what you've experienced - you can only move forwards and find a way to integrate your past with your future.

I'm sorry that it is so very difficult for you, but it isn't doing any good for you to blame the psychiatric system. I know you had a really crappy first time experience with the psychiatrist... and that has understandably affected your trust in the system.

But MTJ, you're still YOU. You are who you were before you went through any of this. You aren't being punished. You've been given the chance to start healing, and that's scary as hell.

But you can do it. You just have to keep going forward.