I hate to hear about what you went through with your career but thank you for telling me. That's stuff I do need to know if I pursue this path. I'm definitely not anti-med in the slightest but I do think there is a problem when literally everyone who walks into a psychiatrist's office walks out with a prescription for something. There's a lot of broken politics and money surrounding the field of psychiatry right now as I'm sure you're probably aware of and I want to go into that field to help change it. The purpose of a psychiatrist should be to evaluate if a patient needs meds after a lengthy discussion with them, not just writing out prescriptions in five minutes. I want to be a real psychiatrist and do that for my clients. I definitely believe that meds can be healthy for people and that some people need them short term or long term but there's always side effects. It's a risk reward kind of thing and in my case I think the adverse affects are outweighing the benefits. I also want to find out if I need medication long term. I don't want to take anything if I don't have to because of the field I want to go in, the possible side effects and the cost. I simply don't have the money to be on this many meds long term. If I find that it's necessary for me to have any of the meds I'm on long term or if being without them doesn't work and I need to try a new medication I'm not certainly not opposed but I want to make sure I'm doing what is healthiest for me and my body is telling me right now that at least the Adderall and Xanax aren't working for me. Also doubt I'll need the Restoril if I don't take Adderall anymore but I may need the antidepressants long term. Don't know yet.

I already got a Psychology BS and a Sociology BA and if you have any undergrad degrees and you go back to take more undergrad courses you aren't eligible for Pell grant or pretty much any undergrad scholarship. I had to get some people to pull strings for me to even get my loans. Once I'm in med school or graduate school if med school doesn't work out I should be able to get scholarships again. It's just tough right now. Wish I had known I wanted to do premed or I would have taken these courses before I got my degrees. But oh well... live and learn.