I totally understand having no one to talk to about it.

When I was a little girl, my father died. It was a shock and very heartbreaking to me and affected my entire life up to this very day.

My family did not show emotion, it was to be dealt with privately and you put your best foot forward.

Every time I brought it up to my mother, I could see the upset on her face and she'd get really anxious because she wasn't sure what to say.

So I grieved privately, crying into my pillow at night. It IS NOT a good thing to do.

What you are going through right now is grief. You are grieving the loss of your grandmother as she was before her illness among other things.

Please, if you can't talk to your counselor or to a friend, please come here and write about how you're feeling.

Don't hold it in, it will not serve you well.

Thinking of you,

Petunia