Doctor," said the receptionist over the phone, "there's a patient here who thinks he's invisible."

"Well, tell him I can't see him right now."

A man was walking in the street one day when he was brutally beaten and robbed.

As he lay unconscious and bleeding, a psychologist, who happened to be passing by, rushed up to him and exclaimed, "My God! Whoever did this really needs help!"

Neurotics build castles in the sky.
Psychotics live in them.
Psychiatrists collect the rent.

A psychologist is at a party talking with a small group of people, when a man comes up behind him and taps him on the shoulder. The psychologist turns around and the man hauls off and decks him. The psychologist gets up, brushes himself off, turns to the group and declares: "That's his problem."