Quote:
Originally Posted by VioletLynx
I've been depressed for a long time, but it has been usually been manageable till about two weeks ago. It started with my ex getting a new gf after we almost got back together. I was so hurt. Then I had a startling realization about someone I had an intimate relationship with. But instead of being more hurt I've become numb. I feel nothing except pain and emptiness. It scares me how rationally I can think about everything. Why it hurts, why the person did what they did, what I actually meant to them... I feel nothing about it not even more sadness. I've never self-harmed in the past- thought about it a lot but never acted. Not that I couldn't but i knew it was wrong and I could heal. but I feel like I'm at a tipping point and things like scratching myself is actually relaxing. I am taking to a T, but I've only been to her a few times and I don't know if bringing up my whole history has contributed to it... I don't know what to do. Advice please  |
I don't know the official term for the numbness and how 'rationally' you feel you can think of everything now...derealization/depersonalization/disassociation? ((sure, someone else, here, can pinpoint the word I am seeking))
That's what's bringing about the desire to harm, because the numbness and emptiness, and truly it's far from rational.
What you are going through, is
traumatic plain and simple. You were about to get back together and you were
betrayed. Which, day of the week, is your next T session?!
What a turd!! doing that to you!!! No right, leading you to believe there was going to be a get back together, when he was jocking another woman!! UGH!!!
ARGH!!!!
Start FEELING you pain, hun!! It's NOT your fault!! It's HIS!! Keep writing it, out!! Until, you can cry, again and actually feel the pain!