Hi everyone I'm new to this forum. I was diagnosed with bipolar and depression after almost dying from an overdose. I don't remember the ride to the hospital or anything from that day really. I wasn't intentionally trying to kill myself but at that point I didn't care. I'm an only child. No family just me and my mother. My father died before I was born. My mom is absolutely the best mother ever. I don't really no what went wrong. I went from being a "normal" teenager to waking up and not knowing who I was. I have always had very bad self esteem. It's weird my whole life I have been told how beautiful I am, and how smart I am or was. Even till this day. But yet I find myself feeling like I'm nothing. Crying, begging, and pleading for God to make me better. I feel so alone. I isolate myself because I feel awkward around people sometime. If you ever met me in person you would never think that I had any problem or care in the world. But the truth is I'm dying. Sometimes I just beg God to take me. I feel like what's the point of being alive if I don't feel alive. I don't have the heart to intentionally kill myself. My mom would be so broken. At night I cry. I try to hide my true feelings about how much I hate myself behind makeup. I h be spent so much money on cosmetics, hair extensions, brand name clothes, you name it, I have probably tried it. I'm now in college and currently failing my classes. I find it hard to focus I'm really losing myself. I have no friends to turn to and I don't want to be judged. I am on medicine. I am taking Zoloft 150 mg and depakote I'm not sure how much. I wasn't getting better and then I decided to stop taking them. I don't know why. Will taking them continuously again make me better again? I still have refills but I won't be able to see my doctor for awhile. Please feel free to give me your advice or comment. I know I don't know anyone and I will probably never meet you. But if you actually read this whole comment I know that you care. And I love you. I know I don't know anyone but I have never even told some of my closest family members how I really feel. I'm telling YOU.