I haven't since August but today I took a break at work and did it in the bathroom. I don't get urges in itself to do this, but when I am overwhelmed emotionally I have done it to relieve the emotional pain like transferring it to physical pain and I feel a calmness. Usually it's when I feel like I am stupid and someone has said something that hurt me, so I hurt myself as a way of not letting them be the ultimate one that hurt me since it was me that did it. I don't know if that makes sense. Lately the depression hurts to the point where my head hurts and everything is dark in my head. Yet I have to keep it together at work and keep going otherwise I could lose everything since I am my only sole support. I live alone and there is no family that would help me. I have been pretty good at talking myself out of SI when I have been emotional. My doctor doesn't understand why I have done this. So I don't talk about it to anyone not even him.