Quote:
Originally Posted by ThroughBeingCool
*Possible Trigger*
Had a meltdown over something that would probably seem pretty trivial to most. I'm so ashamed I can't even bring myself to say what it was over here.
I was so overwhelmed I put bruises all over my face. Not sure why my dumb *** ccan't seem to avoid that area. My old T said it was because the face is a representation of myself, and I don't like myself. Now I gotta think of some BS story if anyone sees them before they go away. I feel so stupid.
What I want to know is, is this going to be my life forever? Because if so, no thanks. Turning into a miserable, bitter person who can't sustain an attachment to anyone by the time I'm in my 30's, 40's, and beyond is equally unappealing. and as I've stated before I sure as heck am not going back to using.
I really from the bottom of my heart hope that if I take psychiatric help with both hands and run with it that things will change. Because I feel like I'm running out of options. Even though I'm sober I'm absolutely miserable. Even more so because I have to live with the things I said and did when I wasn't. My relationship with my partner is.. a mess, I wanna run away a lot of the time.
My rational mind knows that I'm not alone in the way I feel. that others deal with similar if not the same demons. Yet I feel very alone. Not too mention ashamed like I said before. Why am I the way I am? Ug
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I can relate. Last night my phone screen completely cracked and I cannot replace it till Monday. I was livid and basically throwing a temper tantrum. I used a DBT called radical acceptance and caught myself before I went that far but I was upset because a normal person would not act as I did. We are not equipped as others and remember you did the best you could at the time with what you were presented at the time. It's not about dwelling on the past or where to go from here. It's HOW you go from here that counts. Try not to dwell on what you can't change.