It's so hard to go on. My meds are out of whack. I'm on new meds now. The nighttime meds (gabapentin and seroquel) help me sleep, but the daytime med (wellbutrin) makes me so agitated - to put it mildly - that I swear I may just kill myself just to make the agitation go away. It wouldn't be so bad if I didn't have finals this week. My grades are between B's and C's. I have to maintain a B average in order to stay in the program. My therapist is useless. I started with her a few months ago to help me deal with anxiety related to school. Everytime I bring up the fact that I'm anxious, she says that's normal and move on to talking about my medications. She has spent at least half of the time talking about medications. She's not a psychiatrist. She's supposed to be a mental health therapist. I've been deteriorating throughout the semester and asked her for help and she talks about my medications.

I don't know how I'm going to get through this week without killing myself. I almost tried last Sunday. I'm surprised that my doctor and therapist both didn't put me in the hospital. I'm really scared. I can't focus on studying. I called suicide hotline twice. They weren't much help. They said to talk to my therapist and my psychiatrist. They wouldn't help me with my emotional crisis.

Final exams are hard enough without all this other ****.