*Possible Trigger*

Had a meltdown over something that would probably seem pretty trivial to most. I'm so ashamed I can't even bring myself to say what it was over here.
I was so overwhelmed I put bruises all over my face. Not sure why my dumb *** ccan't seem to avoid that area. My old T said it was because the face is a representation of myself, and I don't like myself. Now I gotta think of some BS story if anyone sees them before they go away. I feel so stupid.
What I want to know is, is this going to be my life forever? Because if so, no thanks. Turning into a miserable, bitter person who can't sustain an attachment to anyone by the time I'm in my 30's, 40's, and beyond is equally unappealing. and as I've stated before I sure as heck am not going back to using.
I really from the bottom of my heart hope that if I take psychiatric help with both hands and run with it that things will change. Because I feel like I'm running out of options. Even though I'm sober I'm absolutely miserable. Even more so because I have to live with the things I said and did when I wasn't. My relationship with my partner is.. a mess, I wanna run away a lot of the time.
My rational mind knows that I'm not alone in the way I feel. that others deal with similar if not the same demons. Yet I feel very alone. Not too mention ashamed like I said before. Why am I the way I am? Ug