I'm sure there are lots of professional words out there that technically define what your are feeling, but it sounds like i'm feeling similar to you.
I can't find the right word but the noise made when blowing a raspberry - coupled with a thumbs down, seems to sum it up just right for me. But Pdoc says that's not a very mature or useful description

Have meds had positive results before? if so, it cant hurt to try them again. Or maybe someone to chat with who can help you figure out exactly what these feelings are could be a positive first step towards dealing with them.