What I "do" see in you Mowtown is "sensitivity" and you have not yet learned what that means and you tend to think of it a "the weak part where you feel too much and therefore must be unworthy somehow".

You say:
but I am the opposite - I crave meaningful personal interaction, I want deep, committed relationships, I am still learning how to form those bonds

Many of the men that ended up being "great" had these same deep feelings, Mowtown. Nelson Mandela whom we are mourning had these deep feelings. He had to learn how to fill this desire and as he did so he touched many. While he was locked away from most of humanity for so many years, he thought a lot about it. And your 15 months is a mere droplet compared to how long it took him to settle so much of his mind. For 27 years he was a punching bag, considered a horrible criminal cast out and locked away and abandoned. Did he deserve that? Were his "ideals" that dangerous and bad? He was not in a psych ward, but much of what "you" fear, he lived.

People who happen to be born with this "sensitivity" have proven to be "significant" to mankind. It doesn't seem possible that sensitivity can end up becoming so powerful, one would think it must be a weakness because of how "feeling" so much can be so overwhelming at times and often it can also be so misunderstood and demonized that one would wonder if it is a gift at all. He never really "accepted", not really, because he kept standing up for what he believed in and against what was wrong. It had nothing to do with macho, and everything to do with heart.

Something to Ponder

(((Hugs)))
OE