Hi. I'm Lauren and want to tell you my story. Before I married Gary 22 years ago I was a happy person who liked to laugh and loved my job. Gary was one of the managers where I worked and things were great but as soon as we got married things changed. I used to be considered attractive but he started telling me how ugly I was. When I tried to cook he told me I didn't wipe off the counters the right way. If I tried to boil water, the pan wasn't positioned correctly. He didn't like my cooking.

He told me I couldn't have anyone in the house and sold my car. I had to quit work and started abusing alcohol and prescription meds. It was a slow insidious process but it got to a point that I thought I was so ugly that I couldn't bear or anyone to look at me. If we went to the store he helped shield me from other people so they wouldn't have to look at me. He started hiding my things like my jewelry and saying I lost them as usual. He was always putting my things in different places and telling me I did it. BTW, after he died, when I was going through his things, I found my jewelry in one of his briefcases.

He was sadistic and loved me to be hurt. He cheated on me from the first week we were married. He confessed that on his death bed. I already knew it anyway but didn't want to know it. For years he maintained the households of two women, Barb and Barbie. As a manager he was given stock in the company. After he died I found evidence in our tax returns that over the course of ten years he had sold all his stock which amounted to over a million and a half dollars. He had an annuity that would have given me 800 dollars a month but cashed that in and gave it to his girlfriends. He took an advance on his life insurance and left me with only half of it. Barb has been going around telling people she had suddenly come into money from a long lost relative.

Once I fell first thing in the morning and broke my shoulder and arm. He left me on the floor all day and finally took me to the hospital when it was dark outside. I had told him I needed to use the bathroom and he told me to just go ahead and go. He went downstairs and just left me on the floor. Once I fell and broke my nose and he was so disgusted. There was blood everywhere and he yelled at me to clean up that mess. I could tell you story after story. Whenever I was hurt or in the hospital he was so cruel. It was such a nightmare.

And then he got lung cancer and it took him 3 long years for him to die. For those 20 years I had taken to my bed. I just wanted to stay in bed so I wouldn't have to see what was going on. He brought home alcohol for me to drink every day. He wanted me out of it so he could do what he wanted without a hassle. And then he got so sick I had to change his diapers and wipe his but and feed him and clean him up even knowing he was texting and talking to his girlfriends right in front of me!!! He broke me completely.

But I have been seeing a wonderful therapist, Eileen. I am finally getting to the point where I get out of bed. Sometime I don't get up until 11:00 or noon but I celebrate it! I am coming back to life! It is slow going and there are some very dark days but I WILL get better!!!! I am determined not to let that SOB ruin the rest of my life. Now I have to live on just social security and it's hard to pay the bills but it's WORTH it to have him finally GONE!!!!!!!!!!

I know you may be thinking, why did this stupid woman stay in that marriage? I don't have a good answer. He just broke me. He was stronger than I was. My self esteem must have been low to begin with. Would appreciate any encouragement. Thanks for listening.