I don't have a sense of her wanting to rescue. But she has been concerned as to why i i won't contact her when i'm feeling that bad. But my reasoning is not wanting to become dependant on a therapist, trying really hard just to get thru it on my own, so that i don't have to be let down.

I think the work at home and journal writing serve to stop me from getting so uncomfortable with my feelings that i need to reach out, but i would have thought that's a good thing? I don't think it brings any growth particularly, it just helps titrate the pain i'm feeling. But you'd think it would be useful for her to know what's going on for me during the week by reading in my diary. Now she's not going to know cos i won't bring it up in session.