By normal I don't mean healthy, because it obviously isn't, but is it common for ED people to feel differently in this situation.

Today I put a Post It over a photo of a famine victim in a magazine.

That photo didn't make me feel horrified or despairing. It made me feel envious of that person. It made me think "I wish I were that skinny."

I know it sounds horribly shallow and selfish. After all, that person did not choose to go without food. People should be able to get enough food. I understand that.

It's just that every time I see something like this in the media, I'm reminded how most people think that emaciated people are much more deserving of kindness and sympathy than well-fed people.

I feel like I'm constantly competing with other people in who's more worthy of sympathy -- and I'm always losing. They get the rewards and adoration, and I get scolded about how lazy and greedy I am and I should be more appreciative of my good fortune.

I desperately want to be one who is worthy, not the one who is scolded and shamed.