I have been on state disability for bipolar for about two years and it is about to run out. Now I need to work, but I have no idea what to do. I failed out of college as a result of a major episode. My last job I had to quit because I was so dysfunctional and it was a really bad experience. Over the past six months I feel like have become much more stable and comfortable, my meds have been working well but as a result I feel very cognitively impaired (bad memory, difficulty recalling, difficulty reading, writing and organizing thoughts). This makes me feel very incapable of doing any kind of job very well and I'm very insecure of myself.
I'm looking at job listings and find nothing I'm qualified to do. Any job I apply for has hundreds of applications of people more capable and qualified than I am. My only option is to try to make myself more marketable in the job field with school or retraining. But I just don't feel confident that I have the intellect to complete such a program. This has totally been stressing me out. Its always on my mind following me like a dark cloud. I haven't been able to think about anything else, its very draining, gives me a headache and makes me feel sick. I feel really helpless and I don't want to be that way. I wish I could get this out of my mind and feel better again.