I am new here and still trying to figure out the complexities of where I am supposed to post and where I am not. So I hope this is correct. It would be a shame if I wrote and it is not. I guess the restriction would be obvious before hand. So here goes.
I thought I would start in an area I have main issues with, and just post with sympathies that could be shared with others, or hoping other can relate or have trouble with.
I believe many people with all sorts of suffering have problems with holidays. I particularly have problems with observing what are the main holidays;Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years and others, such as mothers day, birthdays, Valentines, Easter etc.
Much of it has a lot to do with family assemblies, people coming together who show a love for each other. To me their only reminders of how much I am hated, and my loses in life. People who give and took my life from me. Celebration of birth and people who think the world would be better off if I were never born. Yup! All those claimed holidays speak of love, celebration of birth, new beginnings, thanksgivings, life, etc.
I can't see people who claim they partake in these things and excited about it, as many people have stood there in their own hypocrisies, standing at a distance as though I am not one deserving of it, treated like a inconvenience to be stomped on.
I look from a distance of those who celebrate these days, who have abused me in one way or another, and their either the cause of your grief and trauma of they blame you for it, and make you out to be some sort of freek if you talk about it, question it or show a distress or discomfort from it. Then they blame you that its your own fault if your the one not happy.
They brand you as a scrooge, or something wrong with you.
It seems they make these days to celebrate their own happiness, when many of them caused your grief.
Holidays become triggering points, people you don't want to encounter, who trigger, show up unexpectedly or unexpectedly that you may not want to see.
Its either you stand alone, or stand alone in a crowd of people who are family and past friends, and you cannot decide which is worse. Being alone and avoiding, or being alone and tormented. Being alone either way is tormenting.