Asia, your post makes me think of that book title, "I'm Dancing as Fast as I Can." You're tap dancing your way into immobility--which is a pretty safe place to be, if you think about it. The only problem is that, as you know, you don't get anywhere.
I think journaling is a good technique, but maybe it doesn't serve the current goal of moving into a closer balance with your T. The reason I think that is your noting that your emotional energy is expended outside of session. You're using the journal to discharge emotions, rather than to find them. So by the time session comes, your T is getting your emotions second hand. By letting her share in your emotions as you're experiencing them, you open to the possibility of experiencing moments of attachment. It doesn't happen all at once, and I really don't think you need worry about being overwhelmed, as strong as your defenses appear to be.
What if you were to give yourself permission to let a possible attachment moment happen? You always have the power to pull back at any time. Test the waters.