I hear you, totally. I feel similarly quite often, I have to self-medicate to stop all those crazy voices and voices in my head telling me to weird crap. You should do what you are doing now - write. You have a gift for it. If you're awake you may as well do something produuctive, hey, maybe some day you could get published. The way you put the odd things running through your mind is spot-on! Maybe you need a benzo, like Xanax or Valium, for when you are feeling so wired. Just saying. And I hope you don't seriously want to off yourself....You have a brilliany, immaginative, creative, furtile mind. Why put such a gift to waste...You are awesome!