I think that heart flip is a pretty strong sign that this is fear-based--and of course we want to avoid what scares us. You may feel like your defenses are weak, but if you're keeping to yourself in crisis, that shows a pretty strong defense in action. And if you're having a "meltdown" isn't that a crisis? Doesn't that qualify for a phone call?

The thing is, I don't know how we can learn to self-soothe without going through the process of--that word!--and then internalizing that feeling to be summoned up when needed. I don't think self-soothing is a technique as much as a psychological state to tap into.