Quote:
Originally Posted by joeyalias
All the crazy fun; the wildness. It captures them, reels them in.
They can't get enough, nobody connects to them in such an instantaneous way. They fall, harder than they can deal with at the time. They get swept away in the madness that is my unstable emotion.
It turns
They turn
This is what made them love me. Love me Hard! Strong!
Its not enough for me at this moment, the next moment. I disconnect and pull away. Giving them a chance to catch their breath. Some need longer than others.
They start thinking and listening to the opinions of those on the outside of the bubble I created.
Sometimes they still hold out.
Its not enough for me.
Then they realise that I'm not quite right.
They disconnect, finally I achieved it, they don't want me anymore and all that chaos that trapped them transforms into hatred. They blame me and themselves for being so stupid.
Then they disconnect forever.
But they will always be in my heart and I can never let them go...
|
This is one of the cycles with BPD that I hate the most. I call it the push-pull effect. I pull someone in close, then push them away just to see them come back; and next time I push further and see if they'll come back again- it's the only way that I know that they really love me. Then I push too far and they leave. Then I feel like I was right and all along, no one really loves me.
The push-pull is a self-fulfilling prophecy. The only way to stop re-living this pain is to stop pushing just so you can see them run back. Easier said than done, but finding a partner who knows this and is patient and kind can make this possible.