I think there are some many different understandings of the word real as related to our T's and our relationships, and our therapy appointments. I think yes, in some sense, the T needs to get to know the client on different levels. For example, I have been in therapy for 2 years now, the first time T ever swore in one of my sessions was probably a couple of months ago, because- he, I am sure had noticed an upswing in my swearing in our sessions. Stuff like that, I am sure T's of to be careful of. Also, last appointment was the first time t had ever said, he cared for me. Now, had he said that even a year ago- that might have sent me running for the hills, but now it makes sense.

Another example- T and I were talking about when it was appropriate to be real, and when it is okay to put on a mask so to speak. He said, that it would be inappropriate for him, to come into a session and tell me that, he is struggling today because of anxiety, or having a sad day, or he was tired because he couldn't sleep last night.. That is something he should be sharing with his friends, or family.. Not, client and office staff. So, in that sense he would never honestly be "real" with me.

I also, think, we have to look at it as a normal relationship. If we are creating friendships, we don't share with them, our deepest, darkest, fears, dreams and emotions, upon our first visit with each other. I takes time for the relationship to grow where the two people feel comfortable with that stuff. So, it makes sense, that you are both feeling each other out in the beginning.