I'm pretty sure that I know how my T acts in his life based on how he acts with me. He obviously tones himself down a lot, but it's still him.

I think that just like how it takes us some time to start getting more comfortable in the setting and with opening up... it also takes the T time to get to know us and to know what parts of themselves they may need to keep toned down. (I'm pretty sure my T is going to be watching his sense of humour because he's said things that ended up being hurtful a few times. He probably does this more with some people and less with others.)