Oh Liz, this really hits home. It is even worse when a so called "mental health professional" doesn't recognize the "clear red flags" and misdiagnoses and causes even more harm.

When I think about the times I have struggled so much and reached out for help and was treated badly for not only psychological stressors but physical challenges no wonder I am struggling so much.

I was really struggling in my marriage because my husband was a binge alcoholic. One therapist I went to had me bring my husband and daughter into a family meeting and she blamed all the dysfunction on "me", it was such a horrible experience. With everything I have learned, I was actually doing so many "right things" in that scenario and I can't believe how badly I was punished and blamed and mistreated "by a professional". When I did some research, this professional was divorced, estranged from her children, and completely changed her preference in lifestyle to living with another woman in a relationship where she was the "dominant male type role" in that relationship. Thinking back on my therapy sessions with this person really creeps me out and my family session consisted of this person "yelling" at my family and traumatizing us.

I had a woman gynecologist that I kept going to because every month about 4 days after my period I would get these unbelievably crippling attacks that completely disabled me. She was actually angry with me and insisted there was nothing she could do and I had to just keep dealing with it. Finally I had an attack that was so painful it was horrible and it would not stop and in the middle of the night my husband got a hold of my "new" gynecologist and I ended up waiting out the night and went in to see him first thing in the AM. I ended up having to go to the hospital where I could get access to a better ultrasound machine and the nurse that did the ultrasound crammed the huge thing inside me that made the pain even worse and when I called out in pain she treated me like I was being a baby and said she could not see anything. Well, it kept getting worse so the gynecologist set me up for arthroscopic surgery and FINALLY, FINALLY, they saw the endometriosis that was all on my right side and so bad that fluid was collecting behind my uterus to a point where YES, IT WAS ABSOLUTELY EXCRUTIATINGLY PAINFUL. I suffered for over 5 years of pain that could have been treated and if that had been treated I could have had another child too.

I also had my appendix rupture and I became very ill and thought I had some crazy flu. I laid in my bed and each day I got more ill and was in more pain. All that time toxins were leaking into my body cavity and it got to the point where the pain was so bad I could not get out of bed. My husband called an ambulance (he was angry he had to do that) and the EMT that put me on a board to carry me down stairs basically yelled at me to "shut the hell up" and no doctor would see me if I was moaning in pain like I was. At that point, I was near death and wound up on an operating table where the last thing I experienced was a nurse that was so angry because she could not find my urethra.

Ten days before that happened I had had surgery on my Achilles tendon that the surgeon beforehand could not understand why I was in so much discomfort that I could barley walk. After surgery he told me it was a good thing I did have the surgery because there was so much scar tissue and very little tendon left and no wonder I could not walk.

I had a colonoscopy and an endoscopy three years after I had the life saving surgery where I was completely opened up so they could irrigate the toxins out of my body cavity. During the endoscopy I woke up while they had that tube down my throat looking at my stomach and let me say, that is traumatic. When they did the colonoscopy and was pulling back the scope and hit a corner of my intestinal track the instrument flipped up and hit my spleen injuring my spleen, but they didn't notice it. By two days after that procedure I began to have pain and was dizzy. It got so bad I called them and they told me to get to an emergency room, my husband got angry when I asked him to drive me because I was so dizzy I just could not drive. When we arrived at the emergency room as soon as I got in the doors my legs just gave out under me and my husband stood over me yelling at me to "stop acting and get the hell up". I was so embarrassed and confused at the same time and at least they believed me about being in so much pain that I was given morphine. I had an MRI and the results were sent to the main hospital to wait for the results, it took a while and the staff at this emergency clinic was getting "angry" because "I" was holding them up from closing up so they could go home.
Ugh, I felt so awful because of all the angry faces around me. Then suddenly everyone got serious because YES, MY SPLEEN WAS INJURED AND I WAS BLEEDING INTERNALLY.

Seeing these pictures definitely brings back some terrible, painful, scary memories for me of having so many people be mean to me in so many ways when I really "needed help".

And many already know about how badly I was treated and misdiagnosed in the psych ward too.

I am so bad now that going to "any" doctor other then my dentist and my T, is extremely painful and debilitating for me. I end up having flashbacks crippling body memories that I just want to run with every fiber of me.
It is so embarrassing and difficult that the nurses and staff look at me in a way that makes it even worse. I have gone to a new woman doctor that my T talked to, but it is so hard that even seeing her is such a huge effort for me that she hasn't been able to examine me yet. So far the experience of just being in an examining room and talking to her has been so crippling that if anyone really knew what I experience first hand they would realize that when I do try I am being extremely brave. I don't even want to be like this either and I don't really quite understand "why", even though I want to be normal, something kicks in that I don't quite know how to control. It isn't even "conscious" because the things I experience takes me by surprise and it's like "I" am gone and "whatever is there is totally something else".

OE