Perhaps money has less to do with it than our willingness to NOT harm or kill ourselves no matter how badly we want to.

20 years later I can see what a frustrating mess I was to work with early on.

Bottom line is only we can really "save" ourselves ... The others are there to provide support until we can come to realize this and start actually treating ourselves with the dignity and respect we deserve.

The professionals can and will do what they can up to a point, but if we continue to thwart their every effort then they have no choice but to let us go ... Especially if they feel the can't help us ... In essence that frees us up to find someone who has the staying power we require.

Of course we know what that other option is as well ... Hopefully it's not the one you choose.

It isn't right or fair to them for us to keep testing them ... Especially when there are folks out there who do want to survive whatever demons are driving them over their edges.

Sad, but true ...

I hope you hang on and keep on trying to survive instead of die.

If you kill yourself there will be a hole in this universe where you're supposed to be and that will be a sad thing.

Also, if you kill yourself whatever demons drove you to this state will win the whole damn war!

Please don't give the bastards that!

You deserve better!



Oh, and to answer your question about where to go now ... The only options I ended up with were the county mental health clinic, homelessness, or death! ...That's when I really started taking my recovery process seriously and went to the local mental health clinic. YOU'VE STILL GOT TO DO MOST OF THE WORK THOUGH ... NOBODY CAN, WILL OR SHOULD BE EXPECTED TO DO IT FOR YOU!