Quote:
Originally Posted by purplemystery
I do want to discuss my transference now because I know that I am going to be extremely depressed come graduation. It would be such a deep regret for me to be dealing with the pain of that loss and to know that I never told her how I actually feel. So even though I feel ridiculous or worried about doing this, I do think I need to tell her how I feel.
|
In the context of ending therapy because of college, this seems like the ideal topic to discuss with your T over the next few months.
Quote:
Originally Posted by purplemystery
Because my feelings all seem very real, deep, and important when I'm by myself. When I actually get to therapy, it all suddenly doesn't feel real. I feel very disconnected from those emotions, and feel like I can handle it all and I'm just needlessly intense. Anyway, thanks for that. I know I will regret it if I don't tell her everything.
|
Nothing you've written in this thread seems to indicate you are seeking gratification from T by bringing up these topics, yet that seems to be what you are worried about. Do you think there is a fear or rejection that when you tell her your feelings, she will be cold and dismissive, perhaps minimizing the relationship upon finding out how much you mean to her? That she won't reciprocate the feelings on some level?
I also want to mention that in a way, patients are supposed to seek gratification (maybe on an unconscious level). This so you can work through these feelings and your childhood losses with T. So even if you are seeking gratification from T, that is ok.
I like the way 2or3things explained gratification issues.
Despite the anxiety, it's a sign of mental health to think and plan ahead-which is exactly what you are doing.
Quote:
|
I feel very disconnected from those emotions, and feel like I can handle it all and I'm just needlessly intense.
|
It also seems like part of your motivation to tell her how you feel is to help maintain a connection with her after you part. If you choose to work through these feelings with T over the next few months, telling her about the transference and how much she means to you, I think you will have a really good ending with T. If that happens, you will likely have internalized her within, creating sort of an eternal connection. That's really an ideal ending.
Afterthought: After reading through everything again, it doesn't seem like you are seeking gratification at all; instead, it seems like you are seeking a lasting connection with her. That is very human and also emotionally mature. It believe it will be a positive ending for you, well-as good as endings can be...