Go into the counselor's office at your school. Its a place to start. I do believe that you would benefit from professional help, but it seems like that maybe a challenge. Push for help.
Yes life is hard but its worth the time. You have many years ahead and many good things. There is help available. Of you need to contact someone to talk to. If you need to go to www.crosischat.org to talk to someone that about some of your thoughts. You can message me if you would like.

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