There are so many perspectives on this. Like some therapists think that nothing is fixable. We just develop new perspective on things and redefine situations. Like a breakup will create a hole and a different person will not fill that hole. That hole will always be there, even if you forget it. We just try to get going, holes and all, and focus on other things in our life and other possibilities. That we are peppered with holes does not mean we can not have a good or happy life. As long as we open ourselves to positive things. So pain will be there but also now new joys every day.

Other therapist think only some things will never get fixed. Like if you did not get the right kind of love from your mom when you were an infant. You can try to ignore it, get different perspective, but it won't matter, you will always have that "mother shaped hole", as someone in another thread named it. But that other things, like broken heart from a breakup, can be fixed. After all, you could find a new date but you can not go back to being two year old and undo damage from a psychotic abusive mother. It's like people who don't get enough food when growing up. They will have smaller bodies and are generally more sickly. Giving them food now won't change the matter. They will not start to suddenly regrow at age 50. Damage is done. But someone missing food for a few days can be back to normal at no time. That damage can be fixed.

There are other therapists who feel differently. That there is some hope for every problem, old and new. That psychological problems are different from biological ones. That they can all be fixed given right effort and time. They may be in our bodies or subconscious and may require more time but you can get to them. That love and care now can fix that hole. That a long term loving relationship with a lovely girl can make the guy close the hole his mother's behavior had left in him. That some of the psychoanalytic views that say otherwise are just unscientific BS. So be it a long term relationship with a good therapist or a good relationship in a person's life at present can fix the damage of the past.

And there are still others who believe there is nothing to fix to begin with. Only when we assume a hole, we assume something needed to fill it. Not the best example but if you see a baby just born, crying, and feel this is wrong, something to fix, then you try so hard to stop the baby from crying and then perhaps feel terribly disappointed that you failed. But maybe the baby crying is not a problem. Maybe it's nothing to be fixed. So maybe there is no hole. However you were treated, you are still whole. You have in you everything you need. You probably lost yourself. You started to think you were defective. You went out in search of things to fix yourself, be it ideologies, therapists, friends, whatever. That sense of alienation became the real problem in a way. This of course does not mean you were not hurt or you don't suffer. But it does mean that you are always whole. And that we forget that. And that the trauma caused you to forget that, to doubt that, to lose trust in that.

I don't know which of these views, if any, is right. Surely there are other views out there too. But I just try to work on my problems. And hope for the best.