I couldn't talk to the first therapist I had. After a while I discovered writing and so I'd write things and give them to her. But I couldn't ever really talk to her. She did a lot of cognitive restructuring, though. I didn't really understand the process stuff of what she was trying to do either. She would need to take the direction or we really would just sit there in silence.

What snapped me out of it?

I guess I'm still not fully snapped out of it. I talked more to my next therapist though. Structure was provided because of DBT. But yeah, I'd find it hard to talk to her.

In fact... I still find it hard to talk. Now. Years down the track. When i was little I didn't have anybody to talk about my thoughts and feelings to. Just verbalising them (by writing) was a huge step for me. Actually talking about them in session... Well... I'm still working on that.

I've figured what to do about my therapy situation. Send him a snail mail letter saying that I don't feel comfortable about using his personal email address. That it feels like a boundary encroachment and it is important to me (with respect to safety) that we maintain good boundaries. And tell him... That part of me felt really hurt about his going away. And that I feel ashamed / embarrassed about that vulnerability and I don't think I can express that in session. And so it occurred to me to not go to our next session so he would know I was not happy about his time off without my having to go through the pain of actually feeling the hurt.

Just let him know that much.

What good will come of it? Who knows. If he tries to bring it up in session what will I do? Change the topic, of course.

I don't know... Maybe your therapist is trying to get you refocusing from the deep stuff that it is too hard for you to talk about in session to some lighter more day to day stuff. Focusing on the daily stuff for a time can help you talk to each other. Can give you a chance to take little tiny risks and build some confidence and trust in her. Over time... Maybe it will be easier to talk about some of the harder stuff.

Maybe... That would be the best plan of action?