I can very much relate to what you wrote about your father. I live (suffer) with a lot of shame and feelings of inadequacy. It clouds all my interpersonal relationships. At 44, I too remain the child who was always told I wasn't good enough, to go away, to be quiet, to forget about what I wanted or needed. Failure is so ingrained in me that I couldn't possibly tell someone what success or happiness feels like. I don't have a clue how to escape. But I know waiting to be rescued is a dead end. They tell me I have to be my own father now and upgrade my brain with new code. Easier said than done. The only advice I can offer is that possibly you are focusing on your physical well-being and neglecting your emotional well-being. I am guilty of that as well. I've spent the past few years trying to please others and, like you, getting in shape as a means of avoiding my own needs which are far too painful to face yet critically important.