browneyesblue...

Don't try to guess why he's not feeling the way you want him to feel towards you. Don't try to do things you think might cause him to be attracted again. Don't change anything about yourself. You are who you are and that is a beautiful thing. Seriously, you are. There is nothing wrong with you. You are doing nothing wrong.

Now, having said all that... I have to ask you, how well do you two communicate? No, I'm not talking about conversations. I'm talking about sharing a connection. Sex isn't about how you look or what you do. It's about what's going on in your head. It's about what's going on in his head. THAT is what makes sex amazing. It's sharing the most intimate thing you can with another person... Not your body, but your true thoughts, desires, fantasies, fears, wants, needs... and all of the other things that go into making you who you are. If you and your boyfriend can actually share with each other and communicate on that level, then the chance of finding happiness again is greatly enhanced. The only way you can know what's going on in your boyfriends head is to get him to talk about it. But, communication is not just about talking. It's about listening too. You will need to actively LISTEN to both what he is saying and to the things he is feeling but not yet able to talk about. Be patient with each other and never say or do anything that might make your partner want to shut down and stop sharing. Don't interrupt. When it comes to communicating with your partner, I think one of the most important things a person can do is to be absolutely genuine... not hurtful, but true to your own emotions, sense of self and values. Never say or do anything that you don't believe in or feel.

I'm pretty sure that you're wondering, "so, what the heck does this all REALLY have to do with reviving our sex life?"...

Think of it this way... What would make having sex with your boyfriend so much better than having sex with someone you didn't know? The physical act is generally pretty much the same... so, that wouldn't be the reason. The biggest difference is in how you both feel about each other, what you both THINK about your partner and most importantly, the connection you both feel with each other. THAT is what makes sex great. It the intimate, soul touching connection you share with the human being you Love.

Sexy clothes, pornography, role playing and the likes mean NOTHING if you aren't BOTH feeling the same connection. Frankly, I'm pretty sure that if you attempted to dress up sexy or to act sexier than you normally do, he'd most likely feel pressured to perform in a way that he might not feel like doing. That causes resentment, anger and can lead to a further distancing from one another.

Like I said, don't GUESS what's wrong. Don't try to fix something that you know nothing about. Communicate! Find out what's wrong and work TOGETHER to make your relationship stronger! Until that happens, I fear you'll only frustrate yourself further by trying to do things that are, frankly, counterproductive.

I don't know if what I said here helps in any way, but it's the best I can do. My wife and I have been incredibly happy in our 39 year marriage. We communicate, we are connected and, (hopefull not too much information here), our sex life has been wonderful from the very first day we were together, but it's as good now or, actually, even better than it was when we were in our 20's. We're in our 60's now...

I wish you happiness and fulfillment in the connection with your significant other.

Dan