Just an update.....

I telephoned my partners parents yesterday as I had not heard from them all week, since his father went to see him again, in hospital last weekend.

I spoke with his mother first, who said that she had been too unwell to go and see him in person. Although she said that her husband had been to see him last weekend and in the week. She said they had been thinking about me and the baby and were going to call me that evening to see how things were going and give me an update about my partner.

His mother asked his dad to call me that evening, when he returned from the hospital. He did later in the evening and said that there had been an improvement in my partner. He is on two medications and the doctor had increased one of them in the week.

His father said that he wasn't as insular as he had been and had been asking how family members were. He had also asked how I was and the baby. His father had asked him if I could go see him and he had said that he was frightened that it would affect his recovery and set him back at the moment. He said that he was nervous and felt it was going to be very difficult to see me.

Although his father had said that he was moved at the things I had sent for him from home. He said that he was very grateful and that he had gone to the hospital shop and purchased a card that he said he was going to write to me.

His father asked if I had received anything yet. I told him no I hadn't and he said well that is just like his son, he would probably take a little time as he would think a great deal about what to write before he felt it was right to send it to me. That is just how he is and his personality. I understand that.

I updated his father about the scan I had recently and that I could see our daughter sucking he thumb on the scan and taking practice breathing movements and he said that he would be seeing his son again this week, on Wednesday, as it is his birthday. I asked him to tell his son about the last scan to to pass on to him that I am having another scan in two weeks and that the baby is breech and they will offer to turn the baby in a few weeks if baby remains breech. He said he would and that when he had talked about the baby and myself last time, his son seemed happy to talk about us on did not get so emotionally upset this time and seemed genuinely interested to talk about us.

His father will call here on Wednesday before he goes to the hospital to collect some cards and presents myself and my family have for his sons birthday. He ending the call by asking if I still wanted to go and see his son. I replied yes. So its just a waiting game again. His father also said that he spoke to staff there and they said that he medication is kicking in now and he should be better over next week or so and they are looking at discharge to the community then. I asked his father if he would go to there home and he said no probably the flat. I know that he hates the flat as it holds so many bad memories and I am concerned that he will deteriorate if he goes back there.

I am trying not to read into things or try and work things out as I don't know how he is feeling or what is going through his mind. The information I am getting is still out of date and is being relayed through his parents, so its difficult to understand things. I am just trying to carry on at home and keep things going and take care of myself and my family, and also be patient. I don't really know how I am feeling about things myself and am just using the time apart to think about things and how I feel. I don't even know if he is moving on now and I may have to face that and the fact that I may not even see him again face to face. So I have to keep that in my mind and also that he may have been seeing his work colleague and the mobile phone and internet stuff could have been true and have contributed to the breakdown. Or it could not have been and me not believing him and saying it was over between us could have contributed to it too.