Quote:
Originally Posted by JaneC
This has been bugging me since I saw my T last week.....
I told him that I was experiencing him differently over the last few weeks(been in therapy for about 10 months)...that I found him more relaxed and warm? He laughed and joked that he had had a holiday. Then became serious and told me that now he feels he can "be more real" with me, that he feels better able to be more honest with me especially around highlighting any 'patterns' he sees. He also said that he thinks that being "real" in therapy is vital to its success.
That all sounds understandable and I think I agree that a certain genuineness in the therapy relationship is important to its success right? My confusion and worry is this.....what was I doing that stopped him being genuine before now? What stopped him being that way from the beginning, or is it just me that ahs not allowed it?
And then I jump to....please don't become too warm and kind and genuine in the sessions because it feels too uncomfortable when you come close emotionally and/or I really can't handle then messing up again and there being a distance between us? What is wrong with me and my thinking here? (Just to give context, am in therapy for complex-PTSD)
Do you find your T's to be "real"?
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When I think of real, I think a person who isn't pretending to be someone other than what they are. In that regard my T is real with me. He doesn't BS or tell me what I want to hear, he tells it like he sees it. Sometimes he has been too real but luckily I am not offended too easily (but I've heard other patients who don't care for him say he's "terse" instead of direct). But overall, that is their job- to tell it like they see it in a manner that is helpful and appropriate to the situation. It is not a T's job to pass judgement or voice opinions that are not helpful. So sometimes in the case of diplomacy, they can be real to a certain point. But that is human nature, sometimes we need to bite our tongues so we don't offend or hurt people. They also can't risk blurring the lines of friendship/therapy. In that case, they aren't being false, just keeping professional boundaries.
I think your T worded it oddly, but I think he meant that he's more confident in predicting your responses where at first he wasn't. That's just normal with any human interaction. He worded it in a way that made it sound like it was about you and not him though, so I get your reaction.