Eskie, I am glad you posted this link and I am going to have to spend more time listening to this woman.

I agree with her about how it seems as though more and more people not only "shield" but they also tend to encourage that in others. Also what I noticed is how people just don't know how to "listen" when someone is in pain and is in genuine need. I also noticed this "lack" in therapists too. One of the things that I have noticed in my own life is that often the people around me "needed me to stay in the role where they could share their problems, because I always listened and seemed to be so understanding, however whenever I began to have a "need" it was always such an "inconvenience" for them, except for my mother, while she had her standard lines that didn't hit that sweet spot that I needed with comments like "you just gotta be strong and that's is just how people are and you just have to learn to accept that, she did listen and she did comfort with her touch and tended to remind me that I was smart and talented etc.

A lot of people have made dismissive or even rude comments about my hugs, yes, I give a lot of hugs here, but I have to say that if I "could" be with others that I can see struggling in person, I would be gently putting my hand on theirs and listening intently.

Even a woman who came to my farm who was supposed to be a specialist in child psychology (I didn't know it until she allowed me to take over with the child), missed something that was just so basic to me. She was so intent on finding a way to have the child listen to her that she just never stopped and engaged that child, in other words, what is "special and important to the child".

This woman sure is right about how people tend to "shield" and even seem to "need the control" where the real control actually comes for "listening".

OE