I am sorry to hear about the damage drugs have done to your family. I can understand your grief over what could have been. But, please, I don't think you need to feel guilty over their getting involved with drugs. Wasn't it their choice? You were dealing with your own issues, too.

As far as staying sane, please try the best you can to move on and establish a new life for yourself. Yes, you and your husband were bonded, and you lost a sense of self along the way, but now you have a chance to find out who you are. You can meet some folks here at least as a start. If things are getting too tough, then I encourage you to talk to a therapist. I have found therapy to be very helpful.