I want to add, from my own, personal perspective, on adding a man into a single moms life. I am forced, into a holding pattern, by virtue of living a couple thousand miles away. So, I'm going through the emotions of moving in together, before it actually happens.
One thing, has been, fear of commitment, not in married sense, but stability, due to kids. Fear of them walking away, hurting not just me, but the kids, is something that put me in, a question this defensively, before everyone gets hurt.
With that in mind, you could approach this, in bringing up, fear that he won't want to do this with you, 3/5/7 years down the road. My fear, is after not raising kids in decades(my guy), three young, energetic, rambunctious boys would be overwhelming.
How committed, to being in your boys life, is your man? Is he strong enough, to offer your boys, the stability that they so crave and deserve?
No ultimatums there, just raw honesty.
You could very well be in protective mode, hence desire for ultimatum.


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