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Hello all – I hope this is an ok place to post this! I just need someone to talk/listen to me I guess and hear others opinions. I am a little nervous to put too much on here since I don’t want those that are close to me to see it but not sure how they would find this!? And not sure if I should have put so much in my first post, but here it goes.
A little about myself, I am 33 yrs old been with my bf for almost 4 yrs we, have lived together most of them and he has 2 kids that are in their 20’s. Yes he had them real young. We are not married nor engaged and he had been divorced for years.
I have been having a really hard time b/c we are not even engaged, we have talked about it and he says he wants to do it but just hasn’t done it. (we did also talk about this when we first got together and he said yes he would do it again) But he always uses some excuse, mainly that we can’t afford it. Now I have to add when we first got together I did have money issues that needed to be solved and I got that worked out after a year and half. Now we have been redoing a lot of his home, so I know money has been going to into that a lot but still is that really even an excuse anymore?? It’s not as though I am expecting some expensive ring and I don’t want a big wedding, actually want one on a beach somewhere and then have a party at home. But he just doesn’t do it. And now his daughter got engaged and expects him to pick up half her wedding even though she hasn’t asked and it’s less than a year away, so here we go we have another excuse to add on.
Now myself I don’t have kids and don’t want any. I personally know that I am just to selfish and really just have never been a kid person. I love his two to pieces and would do anything for them and I am extremely happy for the daughter who is getting married, so don’t think that I am not on that. But I guess you could say that I am also pissed now b/c I know this is going to push any possibility of me even getting engaged back over another year now. Really I am tired of my putting my life on hold for anything or anyone, which seems that, is what I always do. Am I just crazy to think this?
I know marriage may not mean a lot to others, but it does to me. I have told him that from the beginning and now thinking that I am wasting my time, or am I just being a *****!? All I want to do is cry all the time and just not sure what to do. I really can’t talk to anyone about it b/c I don’t trust in the fact that others will believe that I am really happy for them. He couldn’t understand why I was upset when I found out; he believed I should just be happy so others can be happy for us when it happens, but WTF!? Do you really expect me to not be upset when they haven’t even been together a ¼ of the time we are and he is sure he wants to marry her? Am I the only woman who would be upset by this and not be able to hide it? Ok sorry now I am rambling on, thanks for listening!!
Soconfused3
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