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Hi counselor
It would definitely be a red flag for me too. What he's saying and what he's doing are two separate things. He says he wants his relationship with you to be forever. If that were truly the case, he would want you to meet the other people who are important in his life.
When I was a single mother of a young child, I dated a man who had custody of his child. Our boys were about the same age, and they got along great. As for us, we never made any real commitment towards each other - but it looked like we were headed to "forever." It turned out I was just a pit-stop. When he walked out of our lives, my son was devastated.
I decided then and there not to introduce my son to any other men until I was certain it was going to be a "forever" relationship. Even then, when I did meet the man who was perfect for me, I was hesitant. We lived apart until I could be certain he would not abandon me or my son in the event the going got rough. But when the going got rough, he was right there by my side. We've been together for about 25 years, and he's been an excellent husband and father throughout all the ups and downs in life.
I'm concerned about the love your children have for this man. If the going gets rough, do you know for certain your man will be by your side? Would he be willing to crawl through the mud to save you and your children? If he can't even find the courage to introduce you to his own child, my guess is the answer would be "no." If it were me, I would not allow him to play the role of "husband" or "father" until I knew for sure he could walk his talk.
Good luck (((counselor)))
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