I think it is unfair to force patients to take medications they don't want. Especially when the adverse reactions of those medications can be traumatizing in and of themselves. I also had a bad experience with psych meds and last time I saw my psychiatrist I told him flat out "I'm just coming off drugs, I've been stoned for 12 years straight, I'm sick of numbing all my feelings away, its not allowing me to process the trauma." and he respected my decision and I haven't been denied treatment in the therapy department there. He did say if it was up to him he'd have me taking a bunch of pills, but its ultimately up to me if I want to do drugs or not. I feel fortunate that they are not trying to force pills down my throat. The only pills I like are benzos and they don't like giving those to people with a history of chemical dependency. Thankfully my PTSD is nowhere near as bad as it was over the summer. So I think your insight into your self is better than anybody else. I wish you the best of luck processing your trauma.