((Mowtown)),

Did you see Eskielover's thread about vulnerablitiy? I think it would be helpful for you to listen to the link she provided.

Sometimes just sitting with a therapist and talking and talking isn't quite enough, depending on the therapist. Healing is also about understanding "human nature" overall too.

I listen to how you struggle and I really hear you because I have struggled with many of the things you have talked about too. What I get from you is that you feel that because you were so threatened that you broke (which happens a lot with trauma), that it's wrong and you are somehow going to be rejected. However, sometimes it is when we "do" break that we have a chance to finally be enlightened and learn something that for some reason we thought we just had to "shield" somehow.

Mowtown, I have been having a hard time with this myself and because I had suffered so much abuse in my past, I built up different ways to "shield" myself that I felt made me stronger and now that I suffer from PTSD, those old shields don't seem to work anymore.
It was not that my shields were "bad" either because I was often very productive and I did achieve things. It is more that I just didn't realize the "injuries" that I was carrying under the shields I had built up. It got so people around me needed me to just absorb their problems and inadequacies and when "I" broke, they got angry with me and they didn't have the capacity to be empathetic the way I needed them to. So the more I experienced that the more I felt "fearful" just as you are feeling "fearful".

They say that what they have found is that when someone suffers from PTSD, they really struggle however, when people who struggle with PTSD are around others that also struggle with it, they seem to feel more content and manage better. Well, the reason for that is because it is a place where "true empathy can happen". And that is what you are seeing about the kind of kindness and caring and wisdom that you have encountered here at PC amongst others that struggle with mental illness in some way. Then you go out into society where the norm is a society that "promotes shielding". You say, it is as though the real saneness is in those that struggle and it is society that is sick, is that strange or what? Well, yes, the answer is yes, but it is not because you are unworthy because you struggle and that is what you need to learn. And that is what this woman is saying in her messages about what is unhealthy in our society now. And while she thought that only a few would pay attention to her message and appreciate it, it turns out that she is saying something that people really want to hear, need to hear and it touches on something many people feel challenged with.

You need to understand that PTSD "magnifies" and much of your fears and challenging emotions are what "most people" struggle with around you. Yes, PTSD does stop people who suffer from it in their tracks and yes, it is profound. However, while it is such a challenge, it doesn't mean you are forever doomed as is often a feeling that can come forward with PTSD. And it isn't that others do not empathize with or for you either, it is that they are "afraid" to empathize. People do not know how to empathize and hold onto their shield at the same time. But that doesn't mean "you" are the failure Mowtown. This does take time to "understand" however Mowtown so I thought this link would be a good place for you to start to take in something that you need to "slowly" learn how to
utilize in a way that can help you to overcome some of the crippling symptoms that you "can" learn to manage much better. While I can't sit with you in person, perhaps you can imagine that my hand is on yours with understanding of where you are in your struggle, and I am genuinely saying me too.

http://forums.psychcentral.com/other...erability.html

(((Caring Hugs)))
OE