Quote:
Originally Posted by counselor1978
Okay I'm new here and seriously need some advice...anything will help! I'm currently in a relationsip. I've known him since May 2013. We dated for awhile and kind of lost touch, well texted and talked on the phone, but didnt really seriously make it exclusive until september 2013. Since then it's been hot and heavy. He's basically moved in with me and my two boys ages 6 and 12. They absoutely LOVE him! I had no doubts introducing him to my children in september. He told me he loves me and wants this to be forever. I feel the same. Okay here lies the problem. He has a son, 18 mo, with another woman. He says hes not ready to introduce his son to me and my children yet. He tells me his parents dont want to meet me because they think i'm just another one of his many girlfriends who will come and go. My kids are starting to wonder why his child hasnt came around. I dont know what to tell them. He doesnt pay his ex child support because she doesnt make him. He does see his son though. He says he doesnt want to ask her about bringing the child around me because he doesnt wanna rock the boat with her. He tells me it will make his life very complicated right now. He asks me to be patient and when he's ready he will bring his son over. Why does he get the courtesy of waiting but I didnt? It really hurts my feelings! Am I being too sensitive about this? Is he right? Someone please give me some advice on this. I love this man, but this is really weighing heavily on me and is hurting our relationsip. I'm about to call it quits over this. I dont know what to do.
|
You love this man. Yet so quickly you are saying you want to call it quits? Seems like a contradiction in a way.. Fact is, this is about you and him first. Even though the children need to know him because they are young, it is different with an 18 yr old or older. When he says it will complicate his life, taht's not a judgment on you but his family. Perhaps his son has a problem with him having another girlfriend and he doesn't want to deal with it just yet. He could be waiting to make sure you're serious about him before he commits to introducing you to any others. Again, it's not your RIGHT to know his son at this point and unfair to base whether you'd go forward or not with him on the fact he won't introduce you. Keep working on you and him, as partners. Not everything has to happen right now.
Also as a side note, I sense a bit of judgement on your part of him. "he doesn't pay child support because she doesn't make him." Two things, one, that's entirely irrelevant to what your questions are and two, that's between his ex and him. No one else. Not even you. Also as a last point, afaik, in most states, at 18 yrs, the child support would stop anyway except in rare cases when college is involved.