I remember talking to your husband about your son, he talked about him with such love, as you do Speed. Your son loved you very much and to honour his memory he would want you to take care of each other, he would want that. I cannot imagine losing a son. Its not in the right order if you know what I mean. Feeling numb some days is your way of coping because the reality is so brutal its the only way of coping. Dont fight it. Go with it. You are feeling numb today, maybe tomorrow. This is a process that you will come to terms with in your own time. Be forgiving to yourself, your son would want that. Best Wishes to you at this very difficult time. Take care of each other/