And I try to be positive for others, admire others, love others, etc. I often wonder why can't I be or have that for myself? Basically, it's all bass ackwards I guess or outside in, downside up ~ thus the confusion. I feel both anger toward the other person and then in the finale of it all, towards myself. I keep thinking I must find a way to channel these feelings differently, as they must go somewhere. Or, at least, be able to process these thoughts differently to lessen the intensity of the feeling. Ug. In essence I suppose that's what we all desire.